Have you ever been hanging out with someone and all of a sudden you say to yourself "Wow, I thought I know you". I can easily be surprised by the actions of an individual if all I am doing is getting to know them on the surface. It is the underlying emotions, fears and habits that will surprise us. So how do I go about truly getting to know someone?
1. I take the time to ask the probing questions. This can be tricky when you are first getting to know someone. The best way to get going on these questions is to first build a level of trust. Start with the more shallow questions, yet show genuine interest in their answer by asking for more information.
2. Never "one up" their experience. Too many times when someone is sharing a fantastic story from their experiences I want to show that I identify with it by sharing a similar experience from my life. If you also have this tendency, take the time to notice what doing this does to the connection.
3. Start to notice body language. Have you ever notice how someone will light up when they are sharing something from their heart-space. When you get a person in that space, see if you can keep them there as long as possible. This is when the probing questions stop and my body language simply says "tell me more about that".
It is amazing what I can learn about a person by following these simple guidelines. This works in networking, social gatherings and with extended family. Take the opportunity to try them on today.
1. I take the time to ask the probing questions. This can be tricky when you are first getting to know someone. The best way to get going on these questions is to first build a level of trust. Start with the more shallow questions, yet show genuine interest in their answer by asking for more information.
2. Never "one up" their experience. Too many times when someone is sharing a fantastic story from their experiences I want to show that I identify with it by sharing a similar experience from my life. If you also have this tendency, take the time to notice what doing this does to the connection.
3. Start to notice body language. Have you ever notice how someone will light up when they are sharing something from their heart-space. When you get a person in that space, see if you can keep them there as long as possible. This is when the probing questions stop and my body language simply says "tell me more about that".
It is amazing what I can learn about a person by following these simple guidelines. This works in networking, social gatherings and with extended family. Take the opportunity to try them on today.
